My Most Treasured Books About Loss
Stories of grief, hope and healing.
In my hardest times, when I couldn’t find the words to describe my feelings, there were people out there who did it for me. This post is dedicated to those wonderful souls for helping me out of the darkness, by letting me enter into it face first.
A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness. When you experience loss, many people feel a need to return to their childhood and all its innocence. This heart-breaking novel shows that desperation through the eyes of 13-year-old Conor, a young boy who experiences vivid dreams of a monster, while dealing with his own crippling demon; the terminal illness of his mum. While the monster may appear terrifying to most children, Conor tells him, "I've seen worse,"; a poignant moment that encapsulates his loss of hope, and innocence. Life can be more terrifying than any monster under the bed, but this monster has ulterior motives; he tells Conor three stories, each of which allow him to find hope and understanding as he struggles to accept the truth. Grief is a constant battle between pain, hope and denial, and this novel explores all three through fantastical tales and brutal reality. The moment Conor destroys his grandma’s sitting room is an epic scene that resonated deep within me - and I'm sure it will with you too. I was in tears by the end, but the message of One day, you’re going to be okay, is beautifully emulated throughout, and it personally helped me to heal. *Note; contains themes of cancer and terminal illness*.
The Kite Runner & And The Mountains Echoed by Khalid Hosseini. This is a double recommendation, and quite rightly. I haven’t read Hosseini's third novel A Thousand Splendid Suns yet (it is next on my list) or it may well be on here too. Hosseini is my favourite author. There, I said it. His stories are hypnotic and enchanting. He has an enigmatic power of drawing you to cusp of shattering heartbreak, before pulling you back at the last second. Each of these novels (entirely separate) span the lifetimes of the key characters, from Afghanistan to America and beyond, through beautiful narratives and touching references to the Farsi dialect. His greatest gift, in my opinion, is his attention to detail. The image of an old oak tree that haunts the protagonist. A bedtime story that spans generations. An uncle's olive suit that he wears with pride until the day he dies. His stories characteristically begin with all the innocence of childhood… kite runners and sibling love, against a backdrop of terrorism and catastrophic atrocities, while the children play among the wreckage. The next moment, you are propelled forward, into a grief-stricken adulthood, where everyone carries their pain like shackles, trying their best to make a difference to their world, or in most cases, just survive. Don’t worry though. Before you know it, Hosseini takes your hand and leads you towards a positive, hopeful end, leaving you with the need to help someone else. A good cry is medicine for the soul, and you will need tissues by the end of each of these novels. *Note: These stories contain references to rape, suicide, murder and terrorism*.
Infinite Sky by C.J Flood. I read this book as a teenager, and I returned to it recently after experiencing loss in my adult life. Following two young siblings, this tale touches on class difference, the travelling community, societal pressures, love, loss, and a need for escape. It is equally romantic as it is heart-breaking. I won’t give much away due to the ending, but if you are looking for an escape into childhood adventures, with underlining themes of grief and finding your place in the world, this is for you. Note: To my utter surprise, I had the pleasure of being taught by the author during my degree – she actually encouraged me to start this blog – so this is a personal thank you to her. This novel helped me through a hard time in my teens, and I will be grateful for that always.
Black Country by Liz Berry. I will admit, this is a personal shout-out to my home country of the West Midlands. Berry has a nostalgic art to her poetry that enchants you from the beginning. Her 'brummie twang' and local dialect beautifully compliments her delicate, heart-breaking voice. I had the pleasure of hearing her perform her poems live, and hearing the passion and emotion in the way she pronounces each word gave the poems new meaning (you can find her on YouTube). Now, when I read her poetry books, I feel like I’m holding all the answers to the world in my hands. She touches on everything from loss and grief to childhood, growing up, and losing your innocence in a harsh world. There is also a poem about a dog that is in fact her lost loved one (my personal favourite). I am absolutely in love with her work, and always will be.
Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter. Where do I even begin with this one? Loosely inspired by Ted Hughes’ Crow, this abstract, poetic narrative flits between two boys, their imaginary crow, and their dad. Each chapter, written as poetic prose, spans roughly one or two pages, so it is easy to flick through if you find it difficult to dwell on hard subjects. It is absorbing, addictive, darkly hilarious, and painful all at the same time. By the end, the boys and their dad learn to let go of their grief, and crow loses his purpose (a very poignant moment indeed). This book is so incredibly well written that I keep going back to it over and over again.
These are my top five, but there are so many more that I adore. Please get in touch and share your favourite grief-reads with me. I am always looking for another to add to my list.
It is so important to share our stories, and I will always be here to listen to yours.
Update!
After some wonderful submissions - thank you everyone! - I have decided to add a second list. So here we are, my second list of most treasured books about loss (or something more catchy):
The Girl Who Came Out Of The Woods by Emily Barr. What a story. I had the pleasure of being taught by Emily's husband and writer himself, Craig Barr-Green. He recommended this book as part of my course and I was immediately hooked. The story begins in Mumbai, where a teenage Arty lives with her family in a woodland community completely removed from the outside world. They live in perfect unity with the natural world, growing their own food, making their own clothes, and telling stories around the campfire. But when a terrible accident occurs that wipes out most of the community, this brave young girl steps out of the woods and into our strange world to find help, leaving behind her family and everything she has ever known. As she wades through our technologically advanced, mass produced society, she questions all of our faults with beautiful naivety, and will most certainly make you question them too. As she tries to find answers about her extended family overseas, she must overcome loss, grief, isolation and finding her place in a terrifying new reality. Have tissues at the ready for the end. Happy tears, I promise.
Over The Moon by Imtiaz Dharker. This poetry anthology is filled with everything you need to heal from a tragic loss. After losing her husband and writer Simon Powell to a terminal illness, she documents her love and grief for him with a heart-breaking, effortless voice. I had the joy of hearing her read these poems, with love and pain in her beautiful accent. For anyone experiencing loss, I send you towards this beautiful book. Her poems will have you in tears, but will most certainly send you on a path of healing, too. They certainly did for me.
Please keep sending those recommendations! My reading list is longer than it has ever been, wonderful - and perfect for lockdown!
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